They will try to Fix You


My mother has always wondered if I was a lesbian. At ages 16,22, and 28(now) she has asked me if I was a “Dyke, Lesbian, into girls, or just not straight”.

And every time I said no.

Especially when I was in the church.

But when I was  younger, I knew that I liked girls. And boys. I kinda came upon them at the same time. What caused me to just focus on guys was being crushed(like a bug!) by a girl who I had a thing for at age 11. So for the most part, when I said I was straight, I meant it. Mostly cause I thought it was a phase. Just something every girl goes through before she finds the man she loves.

That and around age 13 I became a fundamentalist, so my mental functions became even more pushed into pleasing God, pleasing people, and just remaking myself into this super awesome Christian woman who would marry at 23 and have 2 kids and be a youth pastor.

The twinges of attraction I felt towards girls at the church, I just told myself that I was just jealous of their figures. That I wanted to be LIKE them. Beautiful(at that time), desired, highly thought of.

And yeah, I wanted those things, but I also wanted some cuddles.

And the awkward years until about age 26, I would come out, go back in, come out, go back in…

I made my poor closet have whiplash.

Until I got tired of lying about what I was really attracted to: Jack AND Jill. Not always together. In fact, I preferred them seperate. A way to really enjoy myself if you will.

I didn’t deal with THAT much resistance besides that from my grandmother and mother. Okay, I kinda lie. My grandmother is still in denial while my mother told me that I better not bring “that” into the house.

Like it’s a freaking dirty housepet.

Something that makes life uncomfortable for those beside the owner..

Something someone thinks they should have an opnion on…

Something that needs to be “cleaned up” or “hid”…

Just like a housepet.

Except this was a part of who I am, my identity.

And to think that because I am attracted to both sexes, someone would want to put me either in jail or murder me.

You heard me right dearies, someone wants every single one of the folks who claim themselves as LBGTQ to just die. Preferably by the hand of the state.

That showed up on a lot of  equality websites on or after 7.26.2010

The gist of the link I just put in(because it won’t let me insert is this. In Indiana, the NOM(National Organization for Marriage) was doing(as it has been doing for a good bit of the summer), it’s been doing a “One woman, One Man” Tour(is it REALLY called that?!) and well…that was a sign of many that showed up during their visit.

Because apparently the only way to cure the gays of their desire for “equality” and not wanting to be treated differently(in a bad way), is to hang them.

Because that worked SO well with those uppity negroes(instilled fear in some, yes.)!

And if you can’t get a rope, you always can assault them when they are doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING:

Because, of course, the homosexuals are people who are OBVIOUSLY degenerates trying to get to our children. Just like MTV, Porn Sellers, and Cigerette Companies.

At least, that is what my(former) pastor and all his cronies believe:

Because apparently, no matter how hard I work or how good of a person I or my friends are…we will NEVER be totally accepted because we are wired the way we are sexually. Because my love is seen as sin. My best friend is reduced to a sex act, and not the time, effort, and sweat he put into his monogomous relationship. If my friend D were to die, he’d leave his partner with nothing, even if he toed the line and spelled everything out.

Heck, there are over 1,000 benefits that straight married folks are able to have that those in a serious same sex relationship cannot get(even if they are “blessed” by their church). Here are just a few:

– Ability to Adopt Jointly

-Ability for a divorce

-Veteran’s Discounts

-Status-as next of kin

And the list goes on. But as I said before, no matter how much the religious folks want to make this a Religious issue, it just isn’t. It is honestly about civil rights. Because whether you marry in a church or a bog, if you don’t sign a marriage lisence, your marriage is not valid in the eyes of the state.

That and marriage has taken such large strides in only a few hundred years. Before the civil war, my mom would have not been able to marry(thus giving a stable center) her stud.

Before 1967, I wouldn’t have been able to marry Daniel.

And the same rhetoric was used to deny marriage to both parties.

I do not see “marriage” being destroyed by biracial kids and black folks.

Instead, I see it destroyed by folks who do not take it seriously. Folks who see it as something to lord over their single friends, something to validate themselves as a woman/man, something they should “do” because all their friends are doing it, something as a base so they can go troll around for partners outside of their marriage because their mate “doesn’t do it for them anymore”, or something to do to get a leg up financially.

But yet two women or two men marrying will cause the earth to explode from the heaviness of it’s sin.

bullet wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
bullet bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
bullet decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
bullet crime victims’ recovery benefits;
bullet loss of consortium tort benefits;
bullet domestic violence protection orders;
bullet judicial protections and evidentiary immunit

About All My Eggs

I'm weird. Really weird. And I tend to talk about things that interest me. That being religion, education,sex-related bits, and family. I talk about myself and my journey to disbelief also. Hense the name All my Eggs.

One response »

  1. Its a sad fact that so many people are discriminated against. I hate it so much. Why is this fucking country so behind in the times? A person is a person no matter what they believe or what their sexual orientation may be. When will stupid Americans get that through their stupid bigot skulls? People deserve certain rights and who are we to deny them those rights. It sickens me.

    Monica thank you for sharing so many intimate and personal stories from your life. I know that I didn’t know you so well when we were younger but I love that I am given that opportunity to now. You’re a gem!

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