Monthly Archives: October 2011

This is about bad women


Hi Again Minions,

I know I got a bit winded on the rant, but it needed to be said. Anyway, I feel like I need to balance out my ranting. Because I have heard girls scream about why are there so many “douchebags” out there.

“I’m a good woman!” they cry out…

And most times they are, but other times I want to just pimp slap them and say NO YOU ARE NOT.

And here’s why:

Sleeping with a guy’s friends is not sexy or cool. It’s SKANKY.

– If you suffer from the “whatever” syndrome, you aren’t a good woman. You need to know what you like, what you do not like, and what you can “whatever” on. You like fish? Eat it. Don’t like fish? THEN DO NOT EAT IT.

– If you just “receive” actions, you are only a few steps from being a receptacle. And when a receptacle is broken or overfilled, there is only ONE thing to do to it: throw it away.

– Back to the receiving thing. It isn’t wrong to receive or want nice things. It is wrong when you expect your guy to foot the bill and he can barely rub two pennies together. Either get it yourself or rethink what you’re doing.

– Also, if you over give, you’re telling the guy “My love is nothing on its own.” Over giving causes the man to be complacent, you to stress about finances, and the debt collectors HAPPY.

– If you are dating a guy just because you do not want to be alone, do me and the guy a favor: dump him and find a hobby group.

– If you are with a guy just because the sex is “GREAT”, let me suggest something: get a damn vibrator. No penis is worth the headache. And while sex in a healthy relationship is key, if that is all there is, you are not dating. You are FUCK BUDDIES.

– Going into relationship thinking you can change a guy into the perfect guy? Stop while you are the fuck ahead. If you change him, he’s perfect alright. For another woman.

– Cheating on a guy because he cheated on you is not smart. It’s very stupid. 1) You get exposed to even more STDs and 2) You are on the same level as him…which is the corn that is found in feces.

– Finding yourself while dating someone is scary, but good. Shaping you to fit a guy? Very bad.

– Calling a guy ten thousand times a day? That’s not dating. That’s being a damn stalker.

– Trapping a guy into marriage via “oopsie” pregnancy? He will resent you and the baby.

– Not taking a man seriously when he says something about himself is dangerous. I have too many stories of me doing that. One even ended with a twisted arm.

– When a man says he doesn’t deserve you, don’t try and prove him wrong. Don’t lessen YOUR shine because he’s intimidated by you.

– If a man is intimidated by you, he will try to break you. That’s wrong. But when you are broken to the point where you are hitting yourself in the head with a hammer saying NO! NO! I CAN BE BETTER!? Just start planning for your tombstone because you have effectively died.

– Refusing to date a man because he’s too “high-brow” or “seems gay” is not you “keeping it real”. It’s you deterring yourself from happiness by way of refusing to sample “difference”. I’m not saying run after vatos, but honestly, if a guy who likes sailing thinks you are a hottie, just try it.

– It’s called DATING, not marriage. If you feel like you are getting serious in month two, wait a while. It’s the hormones.

– If you can look at the guy while he’s sleeping and not want to put a pillow over his head ONCE….readjust your meds

– If you expect relationships to be “me, me, me” then you are on a great start to becoming a me-ogomist.

– Compromise is NOT a dirty word. I can’t play Farmville all day (I wish I could…) and the boyfriend can’t play Magic all day. There has to be something going on.

– If you have to beg your guy to take you on a date, he’s already assumed you are not worth it. LEAVE. Not try to sing “stranger in my house”. Just freaking leave.

And my favorite: staying with a guy just because your financial outlook will improve? That doesn’t make you smart it makes you a hooker.


This is about evil bastards


So, I was on twitter, being a twit, when someone posted a quote. It goes like this:

“Girls do not want nice guys, girls just want the douchebags.”

Here is something I’ve noticed. Guys who complain about girls not wanting “nice guys” usually have the problem of “but it’s not a douche when I do it”. And baby let me tell you, oh yes it is.

Telling a girl that you really like her and that you two hit it off is sweet. But doing that then screwing her best friend right after you dropped her off (the first girl, not the best friend)….that’s a douche move.

Telling two girls within five minutes of each other that you love “Only them” and to “Not to tell the other one” is a douche move.

Slapping your girlfriend in public is abusive, but then telling her friends it was HER that was the abusive one? Yeah. You’re a douche.

Whining about not finding a good girl in your state, but then turning down another girl because she’s “too far”, then getting testy with her because she moved on and got a boyfriend? THAT IS VERY douche-like behavior compadre.

Whining about not finding a “good girl”, but you refuse to leave the house, stated to your best male friend (who has a girlfriend of own but she’s. BLACK) that you rather be with your “own kind” than be with a geeky girl who may or may not have a “big ass” and Hispanic or whatever. That’s not only douchy but closed-minded and I cannot understand nor fathom why you are so close. That is how douchy it is

Calling a girl “bitter” when she opens up about her abusive ex.

Telling said girl that maybe “she did something to warrant it”
Telling any woman to “get over” being sexually assaulted
Laughing at a girl who just got the courage up to ask YOU out.

Telling a girl she’s perfect BUT she’s the wrong

Accusing all attractive women of being gold-digging whores when you ask them out and they either say very kindly, “I’m flattered, but no thank you.”
Referring to all of your exes as either whores or skanks.

And my favorite? Having an impossible list of expectations for a girlfriend, and dumping her ass if she fails on just ONE of the items. No, not like “don’t be a cheating whore”, I mean things like “DO NOT GAIN WEIGHT” or “She was being uppity”. Uppity how? By actually telling you “no”?

What we have here is an epidemic of douches in kind men’s clothing. They walk the same, talk the same, but it isn’t until you get behind closed doors that you can tell the difference. This is the guy who cries on a dime if you try to dump him because he was verbally abusive but then dumps YOU because he “Wanted to beat you to the punch first”.
This man will sit on his ass and spend your hard earned money, yet if you ask him for a loan, he calls you a gold-digger.
This guy suffers from BBD syndrome, the bigger better deal. If you seem like the best, he will woo you, and then out of nowhere, kick you out of your own house to fuck your little sister.
These are not “nice guys”. These are man-children who will never, EVER grow up. These are the men who fill the “men’s rights” groups, treat their daughters like chattel, and demand that their more intelligent mate stays home because “he’s the man”.
No, he’s a chump and you should run as far away from him as possible. You will be doing yourself and your future descendants a favor.



Folks, I need you to do me a favor. My best friend Lorrie is having a shit-tastic day:

-Her husband was put on disability because of the possibility of him having uncontrolable diabetes

-Her oldest daughter had not one, but two seizures today. The first one caused her to knock the fuck out and require stitches. As they were about to release her, she had a second one.

Lorrie is a really really good woman. She’s kind and ALWAYS has been there for me…

And I am in BFE.

So this is where you come in: I want you guys to send her well wishes and do what your faith(or lack of) requires of you. She’s a good woman being fucked in the ass by life.


This is her facebook:

This is her Blog:


Thanks Guys…



So, with the therapy and weight loss, a few issues have come across my plate(see what I did there?). The first thing is my self image. If you ask any of my friends, I am cute. I of course think these people are INSANE. So them telling me over and over how much they loved me, how much they liked me,or how cute(adorable) I was fell on deaf ears.

It took me seeing it myself. I lie, it took a REALLY hot lesbian to drive it home.

See what had happen was(here she goes again) I have an awesome friend. Her name is Lor. Lor is possibly a superhero or saint and she just isn’t telling us weaker humans for fear that our tiny heads would explode. Anyway, a long time ago, Lor was dating Mari. And Mari, is a goddess. I mean, like cause guys to to drool and totally make fools of themselves type of woman. Let me put it to you this way:

She was the daydream I had of the “perfect woman” in high school that I said would never EVER exist in real life so therefore I was stuck with MEN. So! I found out she existed(yay!) but she lived in England(..yay?) and had a very very beautiful girlfriend(um..I’ll get back to you on that). So rightfully I thought to myself “No chance in hell”. And I was right.

But, BUT my fair folk…she thought me(yes me) was just so adorable she could eat me up(yes I did that on purpose). My boyfriend found out, and teased me(but he was all for it) about my obvious crush.

So it was like a kick in the back of the knees. I thought to myself “If she finds me attractive, maybe I should look at myself and see what I find beautiful about myself”. First day, I sat in my room with a notebook in my lap and just writing about what I liked about me. Which took forever. Day two, I looked in the mirror to really look at me. Not judge myself, not make a list of things that need to be covered up with makeup…but just look. I started bawling, quite hard actually. All I could think of was all the horrible things told me about myself. How I wouldn’t amount to anything, I was just good for a grope and a goodbye, or how I was the girl all guys only dated because no one would ever be serious about me, ever. And yes, those things I just said were said to me by people who supposedly had my best interests at heart.

So I started thinking about how what was said to me affected how I saw myself. And I found that I didn’t have any ideas on what I thought of myself. Everything that was said to me was just regurgitated into my brain by another person. I know I was supposed to go on and talk about how someone saved me, but the truth is..I saved myself. Yes Mari was the catalyst but I saw it through. Yes, focusing on me and building myself up is hard. I am so used to building up others and pining for someone to do the same for me that it becomes a battle of  old vs. new. Do I get tired of having to be my own “best friend”? Yes, but this is how I see it. The girl I am now, she’s not forged in a crowd. She’s made in the shadows of the night when I am holding on to my penguin and weeping. She’s the woman who recites the people who love her as if they were prayers, because in a way they are.

She’s me,someone I can’t get away from.

What is going on, Eggs?


I had the most perfect thing tot alk about, but I just realized that my brain can only hold so many thoughts at once when I forget my vyvanse. So you’ll just have to deal with me like this.

I stayed away from my blogs because I really thought I needed to get my ish together. At least to where I could talk to everyone and not feel like I was running around naked while on roofies. What I mean is, if I was going to be naked as  a jaybird, I want to be able to not second guess myself. The two people who read this blog deserve that much.

So! The news. I’ve been seeing a therapist, and it actually does help. Granted, I think I make him feel pretty uncomfortable at times, but it is what it is, right? Right. Also, I’ve lost nearly 70 pounds(woo) and I’m itching to lose more.

I’m not going to make any pie crust promises, but I am going to let it hang all out.