Alright. Hey folks.
So today was *interesting* and by interesting I mean makes me wish I could shove my head into a cheese grater or maybe bitch slap someone really hard who gets off on that type of stuff. I’m going to go from the current to the past to explain.
I have a buddy. Her name is Kate. She’s a PK like I am, but really awesome. Anyway, she writes in her blog(link after the rant. Just wait) about the juicy bits of what happens when you leave the fold. Well, she was on her twitter account today, and she got a message from Rick Warren. Yes. THAT Rick Warren. The message?
“I’m Sorry you hurt”
And instead of, I don’t know, engaging her in conversation, he wusses out by not adding her on his twitter. Here is why I said that: if someone messages you, but doesn’t have you on their twitter list, you can’t write them back. So his I’m sorry you hurt was not only a non-apology but one-sided. When it is done that way, it removes the possibility of confrontation. Of reconciliation. But instead he will see it as him *reaching someone for Christ* and pat himself on the back.
Oh yes Rick. That was SO Christ-like of you. Except, it isn’t one damned bit. I’ll use my buddy’s words to explain in more detail:
The thing is, I can’t even respond to this message because you can’t direct message people who aren’t following you. So, he’s not even engaging me. He’s just telling me that he pities me. I don’t need anyone’s pity. I’d rather him understand that I’m hurt by the types of toxic messages he spreads.
That person that you did a type by non-apology to? She has feelings. Of course she does. Everyone has feelings. Except in the mode and model of Animal Farm, Christians feelings are MORE human. And that shit hurts. It’s akin to taking a really hot poker, fresh from the fireplace, and poking us in badly healed wounds.
And my words are harsh, I know, I intend them to be that way. I want you and other ministers like you to think about who you affect. You don’t just affect yourself. You affect every single person out there when you don’t talk against the “Kill the Gays” ruling in Uganda. Same thing for when you tolerate anti-LGBT speech in your churches. In your homes. That snide comment about women? Just behind you is a church member who struggles with self image and was wanting to come to someone who she thought understood how it feels to be an outsider. But she heard you, and she’s leaving.
You can tell your flock that it was the devil luring her away, or you can be honest and say “I was being a colossal jerk”. Or you could continue to see yourself as the victim when folks point out your bad behavior, and the bad behavior of other believers. Or if they say “I used to be a Christian” you give such stunning ignorant comments such as “I’m sorry you hurt.”
On what planet does that work? Nowhere. Even my very very conservative mom would shake her head at you. But, as pointed out in a letter from another believer, it’s not my job or anyone else’s job to judge you. We are to wait for God or Jesus to do that job. Meanwhile, folks like me and Kate are having to pay out of pocket to get a good therapist to undo the damage that was done to us. And those are the lucky ones. Others, like my friend A, commit suicide. They just break.
And you think an I’m sorry you hurt will fix that? It doesn’t. It just makes us angrier. If it’s bad enough, we pull away. Yet, we are to say nothing because we should not “Touch mine anointed”. Which is why situations happen like this. And men, like YOU cowardly message my friend something, knowing she cannot respond.
It’s the safest way to look like a Christian. Staying in a bubble. Not allowing a legitimate dissenting opinion any room. Instead, you give empty tokens of an apology to the people you claim to care about the most. You make believers, the few out there, who are kind look like liars and manipulative bastards. And that’s a lot coming from me; as that when there are two or more believers around me I check my pockets.
So I know you’ll never read this entry. But I just want you to be aware of two things: 1) Using a bible to manipulate someone who knows it 10 times better than you= bad move. 2) If there happens to be a God and a Jesus, you will have to give an account for what you did on earth. But while you still breathe, you have to take responsibility for your life now. Because this life, right now, is not a read through. You don’t get a second chance to properly apologize. You don’t get a second chance to pull the stick out of your own ass instead of threatening me and others with a really hot place.
Because I’m Cajun. I’ve seen hell. It’s called Winn Dixie at the first of the month.
Folks. Thanks for reading my rant. Here is the link for my buddy’s page. GO READ IT NAO.