Monthly Archives: March 2011

If I had a hammer


I have friends that tend to tell me every other month that I need to come up with a religion. I don’t know if it is the fact that I don’t have anything to do at the moment(so bored..) or that I’m actually considering it, but either way I’m going to come up with a “religion”(ha this should be interesting).

Well, now that I think of it, it would be more of a philosophy because I don’t really want to add a deity. But whatever, here I go:

The 10 truths(that sadly sound generic)

1) Perfection is never completely attainable. Despite this, you should still strive to improve yourself.

2) Take stock into your character. If it is lacking, work on it. If it is fine, leave it be.

3) Do not pretend to be someone you are not. The hardest thing a person can do is fully accept themselves as they are.

4) Not everyone will like you. If through no fault of your own someone hates you, then realize the problem is not you. It’s them.

5) Relationships are rarely ever 50/50. There will be moments where you will be in the 60, and moments when you will be in the 40. Adjust accordingly.

6) There will always be people who want to be your friend when you achieve success or finally realize your dream. Avoid these people.

7) There has always been people who see the world as half empty and assume it is only getting worse. Do not try to argue with them.

8) Friendship is not “I did this for you, now do this for me”, it is about emotional support and if at all possible, being there just to hold their hand while they cry.

9) Sex is not a dirty thing. Fear of sex is.

10) To hide behind a religion and use it to manipulate, cajole, injure, or break the spirits of the people you know is not love. It is an abomination.

Things that should be sins but no one is going to actually pay attention:

1) Willful Ignorance

2) Inflated Sense of Pride

3) Passive-Aggressiveness

4) Emotional Manipulation

5) Protecting the Abuser instead of the Abused

Virtues that should be touted:

1) Kindess

2) Patience

3) Understanding(aka what folks call “common sense”)

4) Open-Mindedness

5) Honesty(no one is going to be honest 100 percent of the time, but it is good to at least strive towards MORE honesty)

Six Commandments/statements:

1) Don’t be a douchebag. If you go out of your way to be a dick to others, someone will be one right back to you.

2) Realize that not everyone is going to agree with you. No matter how “right” you are, people will believe what they want.

3) Don’t go out of your way to cause harm to someone. It isn’t worth attacking someone just because they called you a name. Just walk away.

4) Take time out for yourself. The world will not end if you take a nap, go to a spa, or go on a vacation.

5) Take time out for your loved ones. Not saying build your life around them. I’m saying take time out for them. Cook dinner, tell a joke..something.

6) Death is uncertain. People cling to the belief that there is something out there beyond the realm of the senses. That is ok, until they start throwing folks into hell.


The sad thing about history is that it repeats itself


In Crawford,Tx  an 11 year old girl was gang raped by 18 adult men. I call them adult men because I’m sorry, if you are a young man(age 16) and you willingly rape an 11 year old girl, you are now an adult.


What makes me angry is the fact that there are honestly people playing the race card. An 11 year old girl has been brutally raped, and people are just so selfish and self-important that they just HAVE to remove the responsibility that is firmly on the correct shoulders, and put it on the girl’s shoulders.


An 11 year old.Because when a rape/molestation occurs, we blame the victim. It’s an easy course of action, right? Because one little girl could not only turn on a group of 18 men, but sit there and allow herself to be treated in such a manner.


“But, she was dressed like an older woman. It wasn’t their fault they thought she was older.”


WTF?! She’s 11, not 21. Yes, if you slap makeup and mini-skirts on an 11 year old…..


She’ll still look like a little kid, or more kid than adult. There is a roundness in the face, a narrowness of the hips which should be a hint “This girl is not fully mature physically, walk the eff away.”


But, I’ll give the people this. Alright, so she looked older than her real age.


So, when does it ever appear to be a great idea to take ANY woman who dresses “unseemly” and do something like that to her?


Here’s a hint: Never.


If the thought occurs to you or to even to your friends “Hey, it’s a ho…let’s all have our way with her.”, please, just walk away. Because unless a grown woman(that is a woman who is 18 and older) gives consent to EVERY person there, it’s rape.


Maybe, as an ex-friend said, my views on child rape/sex and rape in general are harsh, but if consent was not given(or not capable of being given in the case of the mentally infirm or children) then it’s rape.


Plain and simple. What really disgusts me is that an actual town is being ripped apart by this, because many of the family(and friends) are more worried about the rapists being “affected negatively” or “harmed” than the hell that’s been unleashed on that little girl.


Because it is very much hell they’ve unleashed on(and in her). If any of them have STDs, she will have them because of the tears in her vagina(and other mucus lined places) leave her open to that. The fear that she will have of Black men in general will be so bad, she might attempt ways to avoid them. Her view on herself will change, mutate even, to that view that her molesters held: that she is just her vagina, something to be used and then thrown away. She is a disposable girl.


When and if she goes to school, she will be bullied because people rather lash out at the victim instead of help. Those who will try or want to help, will have a long road ahead of them. She might regress a bit in behavior. Night terrors, panic attacks, and fits of rage will be a daily problem. And daily she’ll have to wake up with that loathing inside of her. She may say or hint at the storm within, or she might silently suffer through it.


Her view on men in general will shift, causing her to believe they are to be feared and hated. I could go on and on, but those personality changes and such will depend on how she was and how she is now.


Her only salvation will be medical care, therapy(group and individual), and  love/patience/understanding from family and friends.


I would love it if the newspapers and news stations would stop painting her as some type of lolita. She was 11. The way she was dressed, I am sad to say, did nothing to affect her rapists. It is only a method of justification so they can sleep at night. Rapists don’t go after a woman or a man from horniness, they go after them because they appear weak. And like the predator they are, they attack, not caring what happens.

And I would love it even more if the Black parishners would stop sitting here and acting so damned shocked. Child molestation and rape occurs everywhere, from the barrio to the penthouses. They all depend on someone being victimized and people keeping secrets. Yes, it is awful that a minority is being known for harming someone, but you know what? That was THEIR action that THEY have to take responsibility for. Not the entire black “race”. So get over yourselves please.


And that Quarnell X guy? He disgusts me. To sit there and blame the victim doesn’t make you a man. It makes you an idiot facilitating a group of cowards. So excuse me if I don’t call you “brother”.


And the woman in Florida who wants to enforce a dress code because the 11-year “dressed like a 21 year old prostitute” needs to slow her roll. First, dressing like a “prostitute” does not mean “please rape me” it might mean “I don’t have fashion sense” or “I really think I look cute!” but not “rape me”. I don’t know if you get off on blaming the victim….


But stop it.


It’s easy to blame the victim, even if she looks like she “deserves it”. But rape is rape. And no woman or girl should be told she was to blame, she brought it on herself, or that she deserved it. To look in a person’s eyes shows a lack of compassion and character that is on par with Pol Pot.


It’s interesting that I’m making a Pol Pot reference in a subject like this, but I feel strongly about it.


Because that type of crap happens all the time. Or at least that’s what I tell myself so I don’t choke men en mass.

I know I told the story about me fighting off my rapist while I was at Bethany. But what I didn’t talk about in detail were the responses I got. My mother, cell leader(at the time) and cell leader AFTER HER all blamed me for letting it happen. Because I allowed myself to be alone with him, I allowed this to happen. In other words, because I dared to be trusting enough, I opened myself to rape.

It still pisses me off to this day, because two of those three people refuse to say that their view is wrong. I dare say, it’s one of the few things which makes me loathe my mother. The fact that she honestly believes that her daughter deserved it. Warrented it.

It hurts. It hurts a freaking a lot.

The pain which stems from that is nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal I have in my heart. I feel like I can no longer trust my mother at all to either believe me or even say “damn that’s shitty”.

But I shouldn’t be surprised, no, not in the least. This is the woman who told me, upon my revelation that I was molested throughout my childhood that I should be “over” it. It literally makes her angry that I feel hurt, angry, betrayal from something that happened “so long ago”.

My grandmother told me that she didn’t believe me.

So when I say it happens all the time, I can speak from experience.